What Have I Done?

I learned to believe

Were the words that defined

My race to eternity.

But oh, how wrong!

For along the way I soon realized

The words which, my heart truly

Burned and steered were

“What have I done…”

Will It Find You

It’s an odd feeling to have the good within being somewhat deliberately suppressed by unwitting evil. Those internal struggles between mind and heart, the constant bouts between conviction and compromise. What drives these battles, what is the underlying root? Oh, how we cannot afford to be careless with our deepest intentions…

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This mind runs, races

Never sleeps.

Within me, its kingdom built

And therein dwell without mercy.

By drive of abstinence

By guile of diversion.

By reason of force

All fails, none prevails.

What more may one do

What card has one left?

When one has found the Answer,

But It doesn’t find him?

- AfterTim-

“For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do”. ­ - Romans 7:15

Ageing In The Mirror

I look at how quickly time is catching up, that someday the curtains will close on me. Yet I’m taken aback to think that this “end”, in fact, has no ending. Startling, yet so comforting. Failing in the past, struggling with the present, yet Eternity for a future. An Eternity that must be shared.
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I saw myself

Ageing in the mirror

But oh my eyes, they did not lie

Of that I was bestowed

That.. of endless time.

And God forbid

I withhold Its shine!

For all, in lofty eyes, precious

Yet nimble as these wrinkling appendages.

But oh! That which wrinkles, withers

Take it, I do not care.

Withal, I will do, I will dare.

For Death will, in my eyes stare

But my regret, my conscience…

He will never bear.

-AfterTim-

So I Wait

Its baffling what a feeling of hopelessness can drive a man to do. If you ever found yourself dead lost in the middle of an obscure jungle, you won’t naturally sit under a tree, be calm, and think about where best to start your fire. You will press forward, pummel forcefully through leaves and branches. Your heart will pound desperately as you surge and lunge for familiarity. You will want to be found, you will expect to find direction. In those frantic moments, the thought of remaining calm and patient rarely dawns. Yet, ironically so, it is usually in those moments of solitude and waiting that we eventually figure our way. I suppose the only question which remains is, how long these moments take…

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So I wait.

Whilst expectations and fabrications correlate

To implicate

The very forces that lifted me,

Beyond the reach of belittling fate.

But there lay a path straight

To amicable acceptance

Regardless of my state.

And though time, His and ours, nay a replicate

Never will He be late.

So I wait.

Shall

Walking towards a lunch favourite is always a humbling experience, as the journey entails walking pass the floor space of a man who calls it home. Boxes, blankets, rags, dirty clothes, and that little metal canister in his possession, he sleeps in seemingly peaceful slumber. But oh, the content of his heart, one must wonder. Shall we turn aside, shall we walk away…

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Shall spring dawn

And autumn thereafter,

Without blooming their colours?

Shall the sun shine,

And rain fall,

Without embracing its nature?

Shall one cry

And another despair,

To live on without a prayer?

Shall he in need

And she who bleeds,

Go down without a deed?

Shall one hunger

And one long,

To find not?

Oh, shall we turn aside,

Shall we walk away.

The Key

Speaking with him about anything and everything over some coke and ice cream stirred dormant feelings within. At times a patriotic rage, yet other moments, simply feeble defeat. I snarl at they who choose the path of deliberate ignorance, only to realize, the key never truly lay with them, but to him who holds the Keys to the Kingdom.

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Beneath coats of crookedness and contempt,

Lay fragments of flinching freedom.

Unable to express,

Unable to redress.

Raging, roaring, relenting,

In bonds, by Him, only broken.

Power to bind, power to loose

Power to agree Heaven and earth

Power to breathe belief into thrust

In he who holds the keys of the Kingdom.

“ And I will give you the keys of the kingdom of Heaven, and whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven”.

- Matthew 16:19

Ready

We will never be ready enough

And we will never be more ready

Than we already are.


"Wherever you are - be all there". -Jim Elliot